The Passive Aggressive Battle of the Disappearing Teaspoons
Ian Watson |
554 words | 3 minutes
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It doesn't matter how well-designed, functional or beautiful your office tea-room or kitchen is, it almost seems utterly useless if you can't find a teaspoon. From time-to-time, someone will snap, and there will be a call to arms. The indignant party who leads the charge will usually be well-meaning and genuinely concerned about standing up for the rights of others needing to create a vortex in their hot beverage of choice.
Emails go out; complaints are lodged and, if the workplace culture is entirely wrong, painfully polite and hilariously, hostile passive aggressive notes will adorn the tearoom. After some weeks of torment, the intractable problem will be solved by buying some more spoons, but not before several people have walked around feeling guilty while the spoon crusaders end up muttering about never being listened to. All of this is avoidable once you understand the science behind spoon migration.
Science? Spoon Migration? Yes, it has been studied and published in the British Medical Journal. A research study at the Centre for Epidemiology and Population Health Research at the Macfarlane Burnet Institute for Medical Research and Public Health in Melbourne, Australia found that the half-life of teaspoons in their common tea room was 42 days.1
That's right; it's been studied by a group of epidemiologists and, to paraphrase and butcher their results, the conclusion is: communal teaspoons will eventually disappear. This research has sparked a range of possible management interventions, including:
- Don't provide spoons
- Provide disposable stirrers
- Provide spoons on a heavy chain
- Just accept that people are going to take them and buy more spoons
Do we defend the practice of stealing office property, regardless of how small, shiny and valueless it is? Of course not! We should, however, understand which fights are worth fighting. Or in the wise words of Sun Tzu:
He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
Priority of disappearing teaspoons
To provide a simple guide to where disappearing teaspoons fit into the scheme of things, consider the following list:
- Occupational Health and Safety issues
- Working to gain multi-million dollar revenue streams
- Teaspoons
- Ensuring you've employed the right people for the job
- Making sure your telecommunication systems are running effectively
- Ensuring your corporate image is one that appeals to consumers
Note that the list above could have been written in any order and the addition of teaspoons will always appear unworthy and unwelcome. The Battle of the Disappearing Teaspoons is not an important issue.
For the amount of time and effort, people will spend badgering other staff members about disappearing teaspoons, complaining, writing nasty notes and disrupting the workplace, based on epidemiological science, if you have a tearoom it is best to accept that you will regularly need to buy spoons. This one simple tip will help avoid a lot of the angst and pain of not being able to measure your morning caffeine dose accurately.
He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot be victorious. He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot be victorious.
Lim, Megan S C and Hellard, Margaret E and Aitken, Campbell K (2005) The case of the disappearing teaspoons: longitudinal cohort study of the displacement of teaspoons in an Australian research institute. BMJ (331)7531: p. 1498–1500. doi: 10.1136/bmj.331.7531.1498.
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